I'm On Fire
by iambridget
Summary: Roxas's life has been absolute shit, packed with betrayal, depression, and suicide attempts, and it's all because of one guy. And just as he thought he finally got away from this "one guy", His brother invites him over for dinner. Great.
1. Chapter 1

Today I've decided that I don't like my life. It's not like I have not thought about disliking it, but today was the final straw.

I sit in my room, looking around at all of the things that are scattered here and there. Books that I've read numerous times deck the shelves on my walls, and a dark grey lighting reflects from my walls to my floor.

I can hear the door open downstairs followed by the familiar walk of my brother. It was more of a stomp and a partial run that I've memorized over the years we've lived here.

As his steps grew louder I promptly crawled back into my smallish bed, and pulled the black covers over my head. Just as I rolled over, the door softly opened. Silly Sora, if you didn't want to disturb me, why did you stomp up the stairs? Sora wasn't that bad of a brother, I guess. He's very energetic and caring. He became a little more than caring after the accident. It was like he was mothering me. We're the same age, twins to be exact, but we look a bit different. As he has nice brown hair, I'm stuck with some shit yellow color.

I heard the door close, and gave a tired sigh. I really was tired, but that was a bit harsh. Whatever. I'll just take a quick shower, and then go greet him. I don't really like people, but Sora's my brother.

I coughed painfully as I walked to my small bathroom, but stopped as I look in the mirror. This is why I stay in my room,or better yet, my bed. A skinny little blonde kid stood there. My eyes, they were too feminine. My frame was too small and bony, but then I thought, bony was better than fat. I sighed. Why do I always look better in dreams? I hate this mirror, but at the same time, I love it. It reminds me that I'm not the same as before. So that when I go outside I'll know the outcome before it happens.

I shook my head. Enough of that, it's too early for something like that right now. But when I looked at the clock, it showed 3:05pm. I winced, and ripped my attention away from yet another distraction. Shower. I need to focus on the shower.

Burning water washes away my thoughts, and for a while I just stand there. I can almost forget that day. That moment. That time. But the water runs cold, and I hastily wash my hair.

The last of the sun was just leaking through the blinds as I walked down the stairs. There Sora sat, chatting on the phone with someone I can't recognize. I felt kind of bad or not being as involved with Sora's social life as I should be. But he was always so social, and I, on the other hand, never really was. Oh well, Sora seemed just fine on his own.

Sora hung up the phone, giggling happily, and then finally noticed my presence at the bottom of the stairs. "Oh! Hey Roxas!" He grinned walking over. "It's nice to see you up and well!". With a soft pat on my back, he led me to the kitchen. I just nodded. That all I seemed to do these days. But then again, thats all I could really do.

I guess I should have mentioned that my vocal chords were majorly fucked up last year, when I tried to jump off a building. Yeah, I did it, and It almost worked. But the only thing I accomplished was the ability to be pitied by literally everyone. "The Owner Of The Largest Company In The Nation's Son Tries To Commit Suicide By Jumping Off The Tallest Building In The City". I can still remember those headlines, and how they plagued every newspaper and magazine in pretty much all of New York and God knows Where else. Why didn't I just die?


	2. Chapter 2

"Here, have some breakfast" Sora handed me a plate of food. It actually looked pretty damn good, and I felt kind of bad for turning it down. I shook my head, giving a soft, barely audible, scratchy as hell "No".

"Alright...but its four, you should eat soon". Was I in the shower for an hour? Damn. I guess its okay though, since my mother insisted on sending us money even after we got out of that hell hole of a family house.

I nodded in response, and pointed me thumb back to my room. Sora knew me well enough to know that meant that I was going to go back to sleep in my room. But before I could turn around Sora jumped "Oh wait! I almost forgot to tell you!". I tilted my head, redirecting my attention to the spiky haired brunet. "I might of… invited my boyfriend over for dinner" Boyfriend? Since when was Sora gay? Oh well, at least he's happy… I should probably get to know my own brother better…

I nodded, nonetheless, and he sighed with relief. Why would he be scared of my not accepting him? Thats stupid. And I knew what he was thinking because his face is so damn readable. I feel bad for him when he tries to lie, honestly, its kind of sad.

"Oh, and he's bringing his friend over, if thats okay" I nodded again. It's not like I couldn't just hide in my room for all of dinner. And I already feel a bit shitty for not even knowing he had a boyfriend, let alone that he was gay. Eh, I guess I can handle having two other people in the house.

"Roxas could you please be at dinner though? I really want you to meet him" Shit. No. He actually wants me to be at the dinner. Fuck that. I scrunched up my face. Well, I guess if Sora's really attached to this boy, I should probably meet him. And Sora was making that one face that got us out of so much trouble when we were younger. Alas, I was not immune to it. Damn you Sora and your ways. I nodded once more.

"Great! I have to start cooking, you can take an hour nap, I'll wake you up so you can get dressed. They'll be showing up in-" He looked at his watch, squinting his eyes "...one and a half hours". I nodded for the last time, giving his a soft smile. I really was happy for him, and really looking forward to that nap, but all of these people coming over?

I figured I might as well enjoy the small victory in sleeping, and let Sora have his little dinner. I would attend, but only to nibble on some bread and maybe nod a couple times when asked a question. It sounded like a great plan to me, as a stripped to my boxers and slipped in my black covers.

I always liked it here in my bed. I was always alone from 12-3:00pm, and that time I spent either sleeping or dozing off.

Sora can leave between those hours, but is required to be back at 3:00, because the doctor said I couldn't be left home alone for more than three hours. WHo did he think I was, a child? I am17, I can handle myself. Eh, they probably think I'll just try to harm myself again… I probably would.

My alone time has slowly stretched over time, giving Sora more time to himself. In the beginning, I was never to be alone, and my brother had to stay here all day. I Guess he could have hired me some nurse, but he understood how I was with other people. And thats why my brother is the best.

I sighed, rolling over and shutting my eyes. I want to sleep, not think.


	3. Chapter 3

_I was back in the forest, walking with my best friend. Everything was so vivid, but when I looked in the distance, or to the side, it was blurred or distorted. That was strange. I looked back to my friend. His long red hair swished in different ways as we walked, and he moved his acid green eyes to me and smiled. I smiled back without even realizing it._

_Once we got to a clearing he stopped. The look he gave me. It was a mixture between sorrow and regret, masked with a smile. Why? "Axel, what's wrong?" I spoke, tilting my head. He looked away, and I witnessed that emotion turn into darkness. He looked so sinister. Around 6 guys strolled out of the bushes, wearing the same expression._

_"Nice catch, Axel" The blonde one chuckled. I looked around, scared and confused. What the fuck was going on? I looked again towards my friend, seeking answers but only receiving more reasons to be terrified._

_There he stood, laughing a bit "It took a couple months, but I get what I want"._

_Is this what he wanted? What exactly was this? I felt so confused and a little angry._

_"What A nice little Birthday Present, it's not used, is it?" The blonde on grinned, turning a predatory gaze on me. He doesn't mean- He can't mean-agh I wanted to scream with frustration_

_"Now who do you think I am, getting my boss seconds?" Axel said smoothly, and with that, he grabbed my shoulders, leading me to the "boss". Shit, this is a bad situation. "A-axel, what's going on?!" Yes, I said it, He was the only person here who might answer._

_"Hm, Roxy? What did you say? I didn't quite hear you" He chuckled darkly. and stopped in front of the blonde one._

_The large blonde male licked his lips, folding over the collar of my shirt-_

* * *

I woke up gasping for air. My covers were strewn about, the floor a mess of books and blankets. Not that memory again. Please. It haunted me over and over. I thought I had finally gotten rid of it. But no, It had to come now.

I held my head in my hands, letting quiet tears fall. I've stopped trying to stop them a while back, it wasn't worth my time. Thank god it stopped half way through the full memory itself. I don't think that I would be able to handle that.

With shaky hands I wiped my tears away. If Sora saw me like this, he might call the doctor up again. I don't want him to be affected by my past any more than he is now, so I have to stop breaking like this after every nightmare.

As I cleaned myself up, Sora walked in. Thank God I woke up myself, that would have been a disaster if he knew I was still having flashbacks.

"Oh good, you're up!" He chimed. His cheeriness seemed to change the mood in my room greatly, and I offered him another smile. "You have… ten minutes, heh, I accidently forgot to wake you, so It's a good thing you're almost ready anyway!" Thank God for my brothers forgetfulness. But that did mean the the strangers were coming sooner then I'm ready for. Shit.

"I'll leave you to get ready" He yawned, waltzing back out of my room. He didn't even question the mess, or that my hair was practically everywhere. Bless you Sora. I smiled, throwing on some jeans and a plain black v-neck. Good enough. Better than what I normally wear, which in pajamas, I guess.

I was a little bit more than nervous for the whole bringing people I don't know into the house for dinner thing, but it was for Sora, and he deserved something. I sighed, hearing the door open and people walk in.

As I step out the door and walk down the small hallway to the entry way, I hear a male voice, and a deep one at that. "Hey Sora"...he...sounded nice? I don't know? He definitely sounded bigger than Sora and I, but I shouldn't judge people on their voice now should I.

The second set of steps were different...and a bit familiar. I turned the corner at the top of the steps to see him. It was...him. I knew it. Or, I think I knew it. "Sup Sora" Yep, it was him. Shit.


	4. Chapter 4

I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breath, let alone move. I should get out of here, before he notices me. Why would he look at the top of the stairs? I don't know. Fuck. Abort mission. All units back to home base. Noping the fuck out of this one. Sorry Sora.

I gathered my senses and turned the corner back into the safety of the hallway. This so wasn't happening. His presence was like a shovel, digging up all of the things I tried so hard to bury. I didn't want to break down, no not here. But at this rate I was going to flip my shit fast.

Jagged coughs erupted from my mouth, and I whipped around to shut my door. What the hell was I going to do? Sora never knew Axel, let alone what he did, and I wasn't planning on telling him anytime soon. Sora would just have to get the "I'm too mentally unstable to attend dinner" again.

Speaking of Sora, didn't he say that whoever was coming with is boyfriend was his boyfriends friend! And while I'm at it, which one was the boyfriend?! Oh god, tell me its not Axel. If it's Axel I'm running away. Well… I guess I can't really run away, because I tred that a while ago and it didn't end too well… The point is that I will not live with Axel. No. Not happening. I could barely handle seeing him again, let alone talking to him.

I curled up in a mass of my covers and listened. After a while of not being able to talk, I guess I've learned to listen better, because I could hear what they were talking about. Well, some of the words were muffled, but I just filled in the blanks. It was just a casual conversation until Sora spoke "Oh! I'll go fetch my brother, he's probably just in his room" Shit. Fuck shit. Shit fuck shit fucking shit. At least he didn't say my name. Did Axel even know I was here? If he did, that one sick fucker. I could hear him walking up the long staircase and knock on my door. I burrowed deep into my covers and shut my eyes tightly. Tears pricked at my eyes so I rolled over. Sora walked in, tilting his head. "Roxas...The people are here" Yes, I know that. I figured I shouldn't just...ignore him, as much as I wanted to, It was a bit rude. So I sat up and shook my head. No, I do not want to go. "I thought you were okay with this" He said sadly, looking at me. I was and now I'm not, simple as that. "I thought you were getting better with this" Ouch, that one hurt. If he only knew that I am, just not with him. But I do feel like he's genuinely upset. Leave it to Sora to overreact to situations.

"I haven't told Riku about your… condition yet, and I doubt Axel even knew I had a brother until I went to go get you. Roxas it's a clean slate, just try to be friends with them please. Riku doesn't even know what family I'm in yet, I hid it so you could get to know them without them knowing."

He did? Usually Sora tells everything to his friends, and his boyfriend doesn't even know that he's in the Strife family? I have to hand it to him on that one. And that face he was making was picking away at me. To prove to myself that I'm better, maybe I should just… Go eat dinner with the biggest back-stabbing douchebag rapist asshole. Its one meal, then I can go feel good about me never seeing him again and sleep. Sleep sounded great right about now.

"...Please?" Sora tried one more time. I looked back at him, and he looked about ready to cry. I nodded, standing up, and looked at him intently. His frown instantly turned into that familiar grin "Yes! Alright, lets go!" He said happily, bouncing from foot to foot.

To keep my mind off of "meeting" Axel, I tried to think of Sora and….Riku? I think thats what Sora called him. Yeah. He sounded nice. And by "sounded", I mean literally /sounded/. I guess I sort of saw him before, his hair was…. blue? White? Grey? Silver? I'm not sure, I guess I was a bit too focused on… Him. Shit, don't think about Axel.

We turned the corner to the top of the stairs and walked down to the dining room. I kept my eyes down, and my bony frame shook with nervousness. Its too late to turn back now. Too late to run from the situation. I took a sharp breath and stepped through, feeling their stares burning through my head. "This is my brother, Roxas."


	5. Chapter 5

I quietly sat down on the opposite side from Riku, who was sitting next to Axel. After Sora introduced me, he left to go finish up the food, leaving me with these two. I was quiet, trying to focus on the tablecloth design.

Since we were from a wealthy family, my mother insisted on spending shit loads of money on our house. My father could care less about us. He was always working or doing other things that were "way more important than Sora and Roxas". My fathers disliking for me in particular grew after my suicide attempt. But thats a little off topic. The tablecloth was expensive and thats what I meant to end on.

Riku coughed, and broke the silence that had setted into the room after Sora left. I looked up, and straight forward, making sure to only look at Riku. "So Roxas… you live here with your brother?" He said, obviously trying to spark up a conversation. The question was a simple yes or no, so I wondered if Sora told him that I couldn't speak. I nodded, because that was the obvious answer.

"Thats cool, Sora hasn't really said much about you at all, so it was a bit of a surprise to see that he has a brother who lives in the same hose as him." Riku softly laughed off some of the awkwardness that seemed to crowd around the dining room.

"Oh, I almost forgot to introduce you two! This is my friend Axel" He gestured over to the red head.

I wonder if it was worth it to glance his way. I could definitely feel his stare focused on me. If I was correct, he'd been looking at me since I walked in. That or I might just be paranoid. No, it was not worth it to see his face again. I had already seen it once today, a mere 7 or so minutes ago. I really don't want to freak out. Let me rephrase that: I really don't want to freak out. Poor Sora deserves some social life. But it better not be with that asshole.

"Hey" Axel said.

His voice echoed in my head. It was starting to give me a headache, and I was already nauseous. I sighed, deciding not to acknowledge that greeting, and returned my focus to the table cloth.

Apparently Sora saying that he didn't tell them about me, means that he didn't tell them that I couldn't talk. Fan-fucking-tastic. I might as well just sit there and be my quiet self, waiting for Sora to some save the day.

"Er… Roxas?" Axel said slowly.

He was expecting an answer. That lying, backstabbing douche was expecting an answer. No. Fuck that. I looked down a bit further, enough to show that I heard, but still subtle. I wish I could scream. I wish that I could stand up right now and cuss him out for everything he's put me through. Every mental breakdown thats happened, Every time Sora caught me crying, Every time one of my friends left because they couldn't handle hanging out with a mute, unstable kid. Every attempt. Fucking shit. Yeah, Axel, you can take all my subtle, silent actions. They're his for the taking.

I didn't realize I was shaking until Sora rushed in with the meal. Holy shit was I shaking. It was probably really noticable too, because Riku looked… really fucking concerned to say the least. I had managed a glance in his direction once before Sora sat down.

He looked like I was stabbed in the side right on the spot. I never looked up at Axel though. The goal was to calm down, and that wasn't going to help.

"Okay so I finally finished! I'm so sorry it took so long, Roxas, did Riku and Axel talk with you?

I nodded slowly, looking at the large dishes of food that now decorated the large table.

"Oh good! I made some spaghetti, heh, but messed up a little bit along the way. I ended up calling the cook to come help! I knew I promised a meal I cooked, Riku, but it was just so much food!" Sora went on, using his hands to exaggerate how much food it was, and calling the cook.

"You have a cook? And no Sora, its fine. You're the one who insisted on cooking~" He chuckled, serving himself with enough spaghetti to kill a small child. I mean, who fucking takes that much? Maybe I just haven't eaten with people who eat so much…

"At least I diiiiid get to make the spaghetti! One promise I didn't break, ey Axel?" Sora laughed, grinning that grin that I haven't seen in god knows how long. Well thats kind of painful. The one who makes your brother smile more is the one that caused you psychological damage by leading you to rape. Oh fuck I'm shaking again.

"Roxas, are you okay?" Sora said quietly. I looked up from my empty plate. It seemed like Riku was talking to Axel, and thought he was glancing this way every so often, he was distracted.

If I ruined this dinner, Sora would be sad… and its with his boyfriend… I mean how mean could I fucking be? So I was freaking out, its no big deal. Heh, I just have to suffer the rest of this dinner.

I nodded again, but pulled out the pen that I previously put in my pocket. There was no use mouthing words, because Riku or, god forbid, Axel might have their sweet time reading what I'm trying to say.

My handwriting had gotten better since the accident. Actually, I was rather proud of it. I even took up some calligraphy classes… But thats not the point. I smoothly wrote "I'm fine… Did you tell Riku that I can't talk?" on a cloth napkin and handed it to him. As he read it, his eyes widened. Yep, he forgot.

"Oh shit… Look, I'll tell him when we go to his house. Also… heh, can Axel watch over you for tonight? I… I just really, really want to spend this night with Riku. Its his birthday, you know? I guess I should have told you earlier but… I don't know" Sora whispered and looked down, a bit.

Axel! Watch me? Nonono this couldn't happen. He can't stay here. I will not let him stay. Not in a lifetime, not in 3 life times. Sora couldn't do this. What if he tries to talk to me? What if he tries to lead me into another trap? What if he tries to be my friend again?

I shivered, staring at the ground. Sweat dropped from my brow and I started to crawl back into the back of my head. I was almost fully out of it until Sora recognized the look on my face, and shook my leg.

"Roxas. You don't have to do this. I can stay, and Axel can go back to Rikus house. Should I end the dinner early? You don't look too good…"

No, Sora has to be happy, I owe him so fucking much. Even if it means having Axel babysit me. Even if it means having Axel in my house. Even if it means having Axel in my site. Heh, Sora doesn't even know why I'm freaking out. He's too innocent for his own good.

I sighed, and took out my pen once again. With a shaky hand, I underlined a line that I previously wrote.

"I'm fine"


	6. Chapter 6

The rest of the dinner was quiet. Well, for me it was. I stopped listening to the others halfway though and started to rethink past decision. Can you guess the one I'm thinking of now? If you guessed waking up this morning, your goddamn close. Yes, I was thinking about the self caused hell to come when Sora left me with that other person. Riku seemed nice. Why did he have to be friends with that one? It could have been anyone else really. A serial killer? Maybe a child rapist? Hah, close enough.

Suddenly Sora stood, grabbing his and everyone's empty plate.

"Has Roxas eaten…?" Riku questioned.

"He said he'll eat later on" Sora smiled off the question

No I didn't. Did he assume I would? Hell, I don't think I can stomach food now. Or later, for that matter. Or ever, you know, whatever works. By the looks of it, its already the end of the meal, and Sora and Riku we're just getting ready to leave.

"Thanks so much for staying here with Roxas! You can just sleep in my room if you want" Sora said, putting on his coat.

"No problem, lovebirds, go have fun" Axel chuckled.

Axel waved them off, and it gave me a small amount of time to stand and walk to the stairs as calmly as I could manage. Apparently, as calm as I could manage, was really more of a mad scurry. I was half way up the grand staircase when axel whipped around the corner.

"Roxas! Wait, I want to talk to you!" He yelled, bounding at least 3 steps at a time.

At this rate, he would catch up to me. I couldn't let that happen.

I think I let out a noise about 3 feet away from my door, I'm not sure. It sounded distorted and scratchy because of my damages voice, but it sure as hell was there. It must have spooked Axel, because he slowed down enough for me to reach my room and close the door.

My breath was cold and shaky when I stood there, in the middle of my room. It wasn't long before Axel was banging on my door, and calling my name. It was a good thing I locked it.

What was I going to do? Why did he want to talk to me so bad? I could feel my own heartbeat speed up. He just kept calling and calling. It sounded like he was sad. No. He couldn't be sad. And if he is, he deserves it.

I grabbed my comforter and dragged it to the bathroom, locking that door also. With uneven footsteps, I managed to curl up in the corner with the large, thick blanket. With unsteady breaths, I managed to claw my ears. With unstable thoughts, I managed to sob violently.

I was watching scarlet drops stain my pristine tile when Axel stopped shouting. My ears were fuzzy, but I could hear a soft metal clicking, and maybe even the creaking of my bedroom door open.

"Roxas?"

Please go away. I really don't want you here.

I could feel the blood that had seeped into my hair drip down near my eyes. Wow, I'm tired. Why can't I just take a nap? Sora lets me take naps all the time. I let my bloodied hands fall in front of me.

Axel was currently fiddling with the second lock.

"Please Roxas, I just want to talk!" He called desperately, twisting the handle.

I dug my nails into my head with frustration and anger. So Sora didn't tell him. So Axel going to try to get an answer out of me. I can just stay here. Yes, that is a good decision.

Axel was currently fiddling with the second lock, and I was slowly losing consciousness.

My breathing caught in my throat. No. He can't come in here, No! He can't come in here! I want to scream! whY CAN'T I JUST SCREAM?

With a soft click, he opened the door. It rang through my head, that little click, feeding my growing headache. I saw his hair, bright red, through my blotchy vision before I lost consciousness. How had this turned so bad, so quickly?

"Roxas!"


	7. Chapter 7

This wasn't the first time I had woken up in a hospital. Alas, I'm sad to say that this has become quite the normal occurance as of late. But, ever since I've been with Sora, living in his house and all, there have been a noticeable downfall in these exciting little visits.

I sat up gasping for air, but winced harshly with the headrush that followed. Holy shit did my head hurt… I felt around my head to see that there was a bandage wrapped carefully around my head. My hands hurt too, but definitely not as much. What had happened? What did I manage to do now? Oh yeah. That.

Looking around, I noted that I was alone. Or, as far as I could see, I was alone. My neck like twisting at the moment, leaving a blind spot behind me. I really hope that nobody's there, that would be awkward. I couldn't even call out to see. These are the times I hate myself. Who am I kidding, I hate myself all the time.

Anyway, by the looks of the window, which had its blue curtains drawn back, it was around midday. Sun shown brightly into the room, streaming lines of gold on the white walls.

I yawned tiredly, curling my legs close to my chest. It looks like Sora got another huge hospital room… I'll have to tell him later that I don't like rooms this big. It's kind of ironic really, being grown up in the mansion and hating big rooms. I let out a bitter laugh, scratchy and distorted.

Something shifted in the room behind me, causing me to jump. Of course the was someone behind me, why did I think my luck would give me different.

"Roxas?" A voice asked, followed by foot steps on the tiled floor.

When the person who talked stepped out into my line of vision, I stiffened. It wasn't Sora, Riku, hell, it wasn't even Axel. Thank god it wasn't axel. The said persons eyes widened in surprise when seeing me awake. His blonde hair was spiked up in some weird mohawk, and he wore a white tee shirt. Who he was, I still wasn't sure. He was a stranger nonetheless. A stranger who was in my hospital room. I cringed, hugging my legs tighter.

"Right when Sora and Axel leave… you're up? Are you okay? Do you need, er, something to drink or…?" He continued on with the questions, somewhat hesitating, but still going to sit on my bed.

I shook my head slowly, looking at the floor. So Sora and Axel were waiting for me. So Axel was waiting for me. Well, I'm glad that I woke up late, I guess. Though I do wish Sora was here, and not whoever the fuck this was.

I scratched my blond hair that seemed to spike though most of the bandaging. I couldn't exactly ask him who he was… Was he a family friend? Maybe I just forgot about him for something…?

"Oh! Duh! I'm Demyx! I totally forgot to tell you! SOrry about that, anyway" He chimed, giving off a happy vibe.

Well… He seemed nice enough. But did he even know I couldn't talk? I nodded anyway, giving him a wary smile.

To my surprise, his eyes changed to a bit of understanding. He leaned in close, looking around suspiciously, and whispered:

"Don't worry, Sora made sure to tell me, Riku, and Axel after what happened.", Nodding childishly.

Well thats a relief, we wouldn't want to repeat history, would we? I smiled, genuinely this time, at Demyx. For some reason, I felt kind of comfortable with him. It was nice to 'talk' with someone who wasn't Sora for once.

"Oh! I snagged this for you once I got that piece of info-" He reached over behind the bed, revealing a small notepad.

"This might come in handy, heh, here ya go!" He happily handed it over, along with a dark blue pen.

I blinked, taking the items. I rolled it around in my fingers a couple of times, just to get the initial feel of it, before writing: "Nice to meet you, Demyx." In skilled calligraphy. And with that, he turned the small note pad over so that Demyx could read it.

"Holy shit! Your handwriting is sooooo fucking good!" He exclaimed, bringing his hands to his head dramatically.

I blushed, looking down a bit. It was nice to have someone compliment him once and a while.

"And yes, its hella sweet to meet you too, Roxas" He smiled.

I noticed he looked uncomfortable, leaning against the side of the bed like that. Hmm. Well I could offer him a seat on my bed… but I don't really know him. He seemed nice enough, though. I sighed, patting the end of my bed, and wrote, "You can sit if you want, it's alright with me."

He seemed to give of a relieved noise, happily hopping on, and sat crosslegged in front of me. By the looks of it, thats what he wanted to do all along, but something was stopping him. Maybe he was scared of scaring me away? That would explain a lot. He seemed to be holding back a lot of his personality.

"So Roxas, got any music you like? Maybe a song you fancy?" He asked, leaning back and grabbing something on the floor from behind him, but not lifting it onto the bed quite yet.

I knitted my eyebrows together, thinking of one. Maybe that one I heard earlier this week would work. Eh, that one was kinda lame. I wrote" Heh, you pick for me" on the little paper.

Demyx laughed happily, grinning.

"Alrighty then, heres we goes!" He exclaimed as he swung a guitar from the end of the bed onto his lab, tuning it a bit. A guitar? How long had that been there? The whole time? I guess so…? Even so, I was interested as to how he was going to just straight up play that song. It was….oddly coincidental? Nonetheless, I smiled intently at him.

He began to pluck the beginning notes slowly, ever so slightly feeding a bit of emotion into it. My god, this was good. He was good. With each pluck, the notes danced through the room. It was just a simple song, too. But he added his own mark on the notes, making some ring more, and others sharper. I was kind of lulled into a content state, but curiously looked up when he let out some lyrics.

**((holy shit, okay i added this in because i just heard "ocean by john butler" on youtube and thats how i imagine this whole song thing but with some soft vocals idk do what you want with this))**

It was like he was a songbird…. but with a bit of a rough edge. Still smooth though. He definitely had a talent, and a good one at that. I just melted into the song, smiling softly. It's been a while since I'd heard someone play guitar. That time was a long time ago, when Sora and I's older brother cloud would play. He stopped after a while though, even though he also had quite the talent himself.

Before I knew it, the song was over, and Demyx was putting his guitar back. He stretched his back and smiled softly.

Hey, my head stopped hurting.


	8. Chapter 8

I snapped out of my little daze, and all but scribbled down "Holy shit, you're REALLY good!" with the blue pen. I wasn't lying either. With all of those notes that rang through the room, I'm surprised it didn't attract attention.

"Oh! Thanks!" He grinned, "I just really like playing music for people.." He hummed, nodding a bit.

A comfortable silence set in, and Demyx had moved right next to me on my bed. It was weird at first, but I had moved over far enough so there was just the right amount of room. Also, Demyx looked tired. Like, really, really tired. I'm surprised I didn't notice before that he was practically sleeping on his feet. And so, I let him nap. His head was resting on the wall beside his side of the bed. It was weird, but I was oddly comfortable with him. I could see us being good friends in the future… That is if he wants to be.

I jumped when the door suddenly opened and Sora and… and Axel walk in. I turned my head away, his tall figure making me nauseous. Almost instantly, Sora ran up to my side of the bed. Without even giving Demyx a second glance, he all but yelled "Roxas! You're awake!"

No shit, Sora. I sighed, it was good to see him here anyway. I gave him a small smile, but made the universal 'quiet' sign by raising one finger to my lips, and pointed to the unconscious Demyx. He blinked a couple of times, before whispering "... Why is he in your bed?"

Ah yes, I was expecting this question the moment Demyx decided that it was nap time, and pulled out a pre-made note on a piece of paper. It said why he was in my bed, and that I didn't really mind. As Sora curiously read the note, Axel awkwardly stood by Demyxs' side of the bed. I tested a glance toward him, and he seemed to be… glaring at sleeping Demyx. Weird. But before I could look away, Axel looked up. Aaaaaaand he caught me practically staring at him. I looked back to Sora quickly.

"He was here all night with Axel and I. We left earlier to go get some food, just our luck that we would come back to you already awake." He laughed a bit, trying to keep that carefree smile on. "You had us worried… I'm sorry I left…" There was the emotional side of him. Right on que. Damn, this wasn't his fault in the slightest, why does he always take blame for what I do?

I sighed, grabbing the pen, and wrote; No, it's definitely not your fault. I just… spazzed out a little bit. It's fine. You shouldn't worry about me so much.

"How can I not!? You haven't had something this bad for a really long time… maybe I need to stay home more."

Not this again. Every damn time that this happened, it was back to square one. With Sora spending no time for himself, no time to go be with his 'boyfriend'. I bet he didn't tell me about Riku because he just didn't want me to feel as bad with him staying here sooo daaamnn muchhhh. I huffed, writing "Sora, no. You spend all your damn time in the house and it makes me feel like a child. Plus, you need to go live your life! Mines fucked up as is. Theres not really much of a chance for me. But you, Sora, you can do so much! You have so much potential, it's not fair to have you fawning over me all the time."

Sora sighed, resting his head on the side of the bed from where he was currently sitting. I blinked a few times, then actually took notice of how tired Sora looked… Axel too. Well, on second glance, Axel looked better. But not by much. I sighed looking back to Sora. I nudged him, handing him a note that read. "Take Demyx and go back to the house. I'll be fine. I want to… write to Axel for a little bit anyway. Sora nodded, yawning, and stood.

He and Demyx tiredly trudged out of the room, leaving me with the red haired male.

I narrowed my eyes, and looked away, throwing him a crumpled up piece of paper. He barely caught it, stepping closer to me, before flattening it out and reading it. It said "Could you please sit… across the room. Over by that bench would suffice."

Axel gave me a pained look that I only saw out of the corner of my eye, before slowly walking all the way across the room, and taking a seat.

"I never meant any harm…" He all but whispered

But you did, Axel. You did from the first moment you betrayed me. I snorted bitterly, keeping my gaze at my scarred hands.

"When I found you there, I didn't know what to do… What happened, Roxas? What did I miss? Sora told me what he could… but never what caused it. I can put the pieces together on that one. But I keep finding myself thinking about you. How you would laugh at me for the stupidest things, When we would sit at the clock tower back when you could actually, heh, look at me. I did it for money. It was wrong…" He trailed off, with his voice cracking with emotion.

I quickly scribbled down something with the blue pen, my handwriting getting noticeably sloppier than I would like. "That doesn't change what you did. That doesn't change how I reacted. That doesn't change _ANYTHING_. If you think you can fix anything at all with just one talk, then you really haven't changed. Always one to be optimistic, Axel. I hope that got you far in life."


	9. Chapter 9

After I crumpled that note up and threw it at him. After he slowly read all of my little note. Axel sighed shallowly. I looked over to him. I only wanted to see his reaction; what he would do when I reminded him how I felt. I had expected anger, maybe shock. Anything but what I was currently seeing. Please, anything but this. He had one hand shakily running through his hair, the other gently propped up on his knee that was brought up to his chest where he sat on the tiled floor. His watery, emerald eyes were slowly streaking tears down the side of his face. But he didn't sob. No, he was silent. But i could see the traces of pain in his eyes. And how one hand was white with tension, and the other limp and lifeless. I had never expected to see this part of Axel. He looked broken, helpless, and definitely not the chipper red head I knew. Or better yet, he wasn't the raging, backstabbing asshole that replaced that previous image.

"I never thought I'd see you again." He continued, while taking a shallow breath.

"When we left you there, I thought I would forget you. But you just kept screaming and pleading and I couldn't get it out of my head. I knew then that I would have to live with it, that I would have to try to move on and pick up my broken pieces and glue them together into some piece of shit that can't even hold a drop of water. I moved away, I met Riku, and he changed me. He was my friend when I was some pathetic loner who barely talked." Axel gave a bitter chuckle, flicking his eyes to mine for a small second.

"Don't get me wrong, I still had these… flashbacks, these nightmares, pretty much every night. But then again, We're they really that bad? I did get to see you… That's all I wanted for a long time. To see you again, Roxas." He raised a hand to his face, trying to wipe away some of the tears that now stained his bright eyes and porcelain skin.

"I was invited to a dinner. I didn't really want to go, but Riku insisted. He said that there would be enough spaghetti to kill a cow. Naturally, I agreed. And thats when I saw you. You, Roxas. I didn't expect to see you in million years! Hell, in all eternity! 'Riku's boyfriend was Roxas' brother all along'" He mused, in a baffled tone.

"I couldn't help myself! I just had to talk to you. I had to ask you how the years have been, I had to apologize, I had to… but you ran away. The next thing I know I'm banging on your door, I'm in your room, I'm in the bathroom. There you sat, in the corner of the bathroom. Blood staining your beautiful golden hair, and those small hands. A blanket loosely slung around you, your grip on it had grown limp. And then you shut your eyes."

Axel let out a shaky breath. I didn't understand. Why was he telling me all of this? Was he really that… damaged after he left? How many tears did he shed, or nights did he stay awake so that he wouldn't have to live through that again? Does he understand that I have probably spent a thousand times more? What right does he have to talk to me? But before I could continue my small conversation with myself, and before It turned into pure rage, he continued.

"I brought you here, and called Sora. He… well, he flipped shit… and had to get a ride with Riku's roommate Demyx here. Demyx stayed for a while, and tried to keep some high spirits. I guess Sora and I both decided that we'd get some food and coffee real quick. And here we come back, Demyx… next to you, and you; conscious."

So he was here all night, along with my brother and Demyx. After thinking about what he said… I really didn't know what to say. He's done so much. I looked at him… and gave him a small smile. I dont know why, I guess it felt right.

Maybe it was… some sort of… apology? No. I can't do that right now. It means something else. This conversation did nothing but… make it okay for me to look at him. Yes. I can now look at him without wanting to rip my hair out. I can now look at him without wanting to puke in my mouth. I can now look at him and feel safer than before. Hell, it doesn't mean I feel safe. Anything but. Agh, why am I still trying to justify a smile?

Axel looked up, catching me in that small moment of weakness. I wiped that shit off my face right away. No way in hell is he getting the satisfaction of that smile.

"Thanks" he whispered, nodding.

It was somewhat nice to get that out of the way. Yes, it was… a little better. But when Axel made a move to stand and walk closer, I still cringed. I think that was enough for him to sit back down, and enjoy the small victory that he achieved.

I grabbed the small notepad, writing down: "When is sora coming back?" In my skilled calligraphy. Ah, it was nice to see that was at least back to normal. Maybe things are getting better. Who would have thought.


End file.
